Standing Up for Hygiene

{It took me two days to press the "publish" button for this blog, so first, let's get this straight: I am totally mortified that I am blogging about this, but there is some technology out there that the Sistahs of the World need to know about. Mom, I'm sorry. This information may change lives, so it's really my responsibility to bring it to The People. Aren't you proud? But I am discussing hygiene here, and making women's lives--especially those of us who like to be On the Go--just a little bit easier. So let's all just take a collective breath and proceed.}

Okay. Now that I've clarified that this post is in everyone's best interest, let me introduce you to two contraptions that we all need. Ladies, meet the Go Girl. Had I had this contraption while I was in India, I would have saved a bunch of cash on toilet seat covers. If you've ever been in a wedding dress or a bridesmaid's dress, and that rather full feeling hits, and you know it will take a team of at least three to help you in a tiny stall, this little pink thing is your best friend (aside from the maids of honor, of course). Imagine going hiking when the urge sneaks up on you: no need to worry about soiling your own pants while squatting downhill in the brush with your pack just heavy enough to tip you into being wet for the remainder of your climb and descent--just aim and go, like the proverbial bear that does what she does where she does it. Wow. I was so moved by the ingenuity of this little handy device that I alacritously wrote to the company, and, because I am writing about it here, they are sending me one for FREE! Yay! I'll plan to use my Go Girl in almost every germy public restroom I step into, from the Far East to Eastview Mall. Maybe someday they'll make them for little girls, too, so I don't have to worry about Devi's precious, perfect, little heiny picking up something we don't want.

Before I go on, I'd just like to make it clear that I am not obsessed with all things automated commode. But traveling around Japan opened up whole new worlds for me, and some of those involve Zen Buddhism, and some of those involve automated commodes.

Therefore, next, a product that is well known in Japan: the Washlet S400. It's a cross between the Supercomputer in Wargames and a toilet seat. Please keep reading. Now, then. I won't need to say much if you click the link for this Toto product, because the two videos pretty much say it all themselves--but please note that the spokeswomen for this product ARE sitting on the commode as they pleasantly talk to you throughout the demonstration. (Yes, demonstration. It must be seen to be believed.) If you find yourself laughing while you watch this video, I just want you to consider all the little presents that pregnancy and childbirth deal the female body, and you'll want to begin petitioning for our local hospitals' natal units to install these in every single lavatory.

Nevermind that they had me at the words "heated seat." I'm ready to put one of these in each bathroom in my house. Now accepting guest reservations.